I Am Thrilled to Be the Mafia’s New Fall Man

Excuse me, Paulie, Tony, Large Tony, Little Tony, Tremendous Tiny Tony? I’m sorry to interrupt this assembly of the heads of the household, however I simply wished to take this chance to precise how grateful I’m to be taking over this new position as official fall man for the Fortino mafia.

When yous all obtained us collectively after that huge DEA raid down on the pier and mentioned, “So who’s gonna step up for the household and be the autumn man?” I couldn’t imagine my fortunate stars that I used to be the primary, and solely, wiseguy to place up his hand. Not so clever in any case, huh? I imply, who wouldn’t wish to be answerable for spreading a little bit of autumnal spirit all through the group? I’ve been dreaming a couple of second like this since I used to be slightly goombah.

Now earlier than you say something, I’ve already taken the initiative of outlining a few of the actions I’ve obtained deliberate for us. Hope you don’t thoughts I used one of many MacBooks that fell off the again of that Greatest Purchase truck to place collectively a quick PowerPoint presentation, entitled “Enjoyable Fall Actions for the Entire Crime Household.”

For starters, I’m considering we constitution Don Matteo’s stretch Lincoln Continental and head upstate to do a little bit of apple selecting. Paulie, did not you say the final fall man took a everlasting journey upstate after that witness within the extortion case needed to have his huge mouth shut? He should have adored the foliage to go away his household behind.

You suppose he is aware of of any good orchards up there? What am I saying? After all he does!

After that, we kick off spooky season with a goodfellas-themed Halloween get together. Mickey, your goomah can put out an expansion of her well-known gaba-ghoul with some boo-ffalo mozzarella. See what I did there? We will even arrange a hay bale maze down on the waste administration facility and have ourselves a pumpkin-carving contest. Vinnie, all of us noticed the quantity you probably did on that rat Rosetti’s face, so I’m certain this’ll be proper up your alley. And what higher solution to hold our heads down whereas the Feds sniff across the compound than by bobbing for apples?

As for decorations, we hold it actual stylish. A number of pinecone wreaths right here and there, some gourds within the entrance window of the butcher store, possibly drape a little bit of ornamental maize across the nudie bar. That sorta factor. We will even use the leaves we’ll acquire from our apple-picking outing to create our personal leaf-stamped desk runners. I examine that one on Martha Stewart Dwelling.

What? She did her time. She’s strong.

Now earlier than you say something, I can already inform what you’re considering by the shocked seems to be in your faces: “Isn’t it a bit early to be planning for the upcoming harvest? It’s solely mid-September.” Nicely, that’s simply the sort of fall man I’m!

I solely hope I can do half pretty much as good a job because the final fall man, whom everybody appears to talk so extremely of. Say, the place did ol’ Frankie wind up, anyway? Dannemora? I wager it’s beautiful this time of 12 months.

Now what do yous say we make this the perfect rattling autumn season the Fortino household has ever seen? Okay, I’m seeing loads of sad toothpick-shifting. How’s about we desk this dialogue and circle again after we’re finished coping with this entire drug raid state of affairs? Any person’s gonna should do a while for it and it certain as shit ain’t gonna be me. I’ll be too busy making the pinecone wreaths!



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