An Open Letter to Yo Momma: I’m Sorry

I want to take this time to increase my sincerest apologies to yo momma. I used to be unkind in my youth and I shudder to recall a budget insults we recklessly flung at yo poor, poor momma. Wanting again, I can see it was I, not yo momma, who’s so dumb that I stood on a chair to lift my IQ.

At 11 years previous, my preteen angst was perpetually at battle with my vanity and, sadly, yo momma was caught within the crossfire. I suppose we might dismiss it as “locker room speak,” however that will be disingenuous as I now know it’s by no means acceptable to name somebody “so silly, she offered her automobile for fuel cash.” No one deserves that, least of all yo momma.

I struggled at school from an early age. Lengthy division had its approach with me and I failed to know even essentially the most redundant plotlines of The Hardy Boys novels. I assume I assumed if I might deflect consideration to yo momma, individuals would overlook that it was I who was so dumb, it took me two hours to observe 60 Minutes.

To let you know the reality, I used to be at all times jealous of yo momma. She was heat and made buddies all over the place she went. Whereas my birthday events struggled to attract even essentially the most modest of crowds, yo momma hosted half the city for the Tremendous Bowl. We’d all marvel on the deliciousness of her deviled eggs, buffalo rooster dip, and freshly reduce veggie platters from her personal backyard. I’m lastly mature sufficient to confess that it didn’t even make sense for me to posit that yo momma’s cooking so nasty, the home flies acquired collectively to repair the opening within the window display screen. Nobody even laughed at that one for the reason that expenses have been so heinous and unbelievable.

I by no means ought to have commented on her physique. I see that now. Yo momma so stunning, she put her physique on the road to hold you and produce you into this world. Not solely ought to that be revered, it ought to be celebrated. If I had any sense in any respect I’d’ve been saying, “Yo momma so competent, she raised 4 youngsters whereas holding down a full-time job, balancing the household’s extracurricular actions, and operating a family.”

I’m resigned to the truth that someday my son will develop up and make errors. I solely hope that when he and his buddies are busting chops, they’ll direct the brunt of their pre-teen aggression in the direction of me. Ship these insults to yo poppa. I hereby willingly supply myself as much as be yo poppa who’s so dumb that I failed a survey. I’ll be yo poppa who’s so dumb, I attempted to place M&Ms in alphabetical order. Simply know that now, yo poppa such an ally, when he appears to be like at M&Ms all he sees are Ws, and so they stand for WOMEN!

I pray that yo momma so forgiving, she provides me one other probability regardless that I don’t deserve it.

I can’t return in time and alter the previous. All I can do is attempt to be higher transferring ahead. I’m not the identical individual I used to be at 11. I help girls. The long run is feminine. The long run is your mom.

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