U-10 Women Soccer Yakuza – HumorOutcasts.com

WESTLAND, Mass. On this leafy suburb of Boston fall weekends are dominated by youth soccer, and Division of Public Works worker Paul Quichette is dreading it. “You’d suppose a few of these households lived in a pig sty,” he says as he pokes at a discarded orange rind utilizing a follow a nail embedded in a single finish. “I didn’t go to group faculty for 2 semesters to learn to do this.”

Put up-game mess within the making.


The additional time the city should pay and the injury to garden mowers from plastic bottles within the spring pressured a call by the Board of Selectmen to resort to harder measures than indicators posted round soccer fields this season. “I’d heard nice issues in regards to the response of the Yamaguchi-guma,” Japan’s largest yakuza household, “to the Kobe earthquake in Japan,” says City Supervisor Ellen Benoit-Walker. “After a Sunday of twelve back-to-back video games, we actually have a catastrophe on our arms.”

“You gonna choose up that Evian bottle?”


Yakuza are members of conventional organized crime syndicates in Japan. Whereas police characterize them as boryokudan, a time period which means “violence group,” the yakuzatake into account themselves ninkyo dantai, or “chivalrous organizations.”

“Mommy — that man’s scaring me!”


Just like the Mafia, yakuza are organized alongside hierarchical strains that replicate familial and political constructions. Whereas they derive their income from illicit actions corresponding to playing and prostitution, they’ve a penchant for order that makes them an outlaw different when civil society breaks down, in a lot the identical method that La Cosa Nostra retains litter and crime–by individuals aside from themselves–at a minimal in Italian city neighborhoods on the East coast.

“No hanging again in 3-on-3 Kinderkick!”


A squad of two gokudo patrols the perimeter of Centennial Subject right here, watching the women U-10 motion on twelve reduced-size soccer pitches surrounded by orange cones. Their irezumi–gaudy tattoos–draw stares from suburban mother and father who’re used to seeing such grotesque bodily elaborations solely on boyfriends their elder daughters carry house from liberal arts schools.

“What occurred to your pinky?”


“Hey,” barks Hisayuchi Machii at a woman with blonde pigtails. “Decide up your Evian bottle!”

The lady jumps, unused to such a harsh tone of reproof since her mom makes use of a cleansing crew composed of unlawful aliens to select up round the home.

“And put it within the trash container–over there,” seconds Jiro Kiyota.

“Go Westland — beat Wellesley!”


The lady complies, and the lads nod their approval. “That is appropriate, younger kobun,” a time period which means “foster baby” and refers to 1 who has pledged allegiance to an oyabun, or foster mother or father inside a yakuza household. Seventy p.c of yakuza are descendants of Burakumin, outcasts of Japan’s feudal period who have been consigned to duties thought of tainted with impurity, and so trash assortment is hard-wired into their genetic make-up.

There’s a shout on the sector as Emily Neidermeyer, the star of the Fred’s {Hardware} Comets, scores a objective, however the momentary burst of euphoria is chilled when a father from the other sideline approaches Nancy Thibeault, the workforce’s coach, and makes clear his displeasure with what he regards as unlawful play.

“You’ll be able to’t hold again in three-on-three Kinderkick as a result of there’s no goalie,” he says, rising crimson within the face. “I’m gonna report you to the league.”

The 2 males have solely been working the sidelines for a month, however yakuzakind sturdy bonds of attachment primarily based on jingi, their code of loyalty and respect as a lifestyle. They change glances, then spring into motion.


“Excuse me, Wellesley-san,” Kiyota says. “I consider the Code of Sportsmanship of the Metrowest Women Soccer League requires you to direct your anger in direction of the referee, notyour opponents’ coach.

“It’s Rule 4.06,” provides Machii, with a menacing tone. “That’s at Tab 4 of the white, three-ring binder offered to all coaches originally of the season.”

The Wellesley coach, who was red-faced only a second earlier than, turns ash-grey when he sees the standard Japanese swords borne by the yakuza.

“Can I’ve my pinky again after the sport?”


“You’re . . . uh . . . proper,” says the person. “My unhealthy.”

“That was not a lot of an apology,” says Kiyota. “You have to do extra.”

“Like what?” the person says. “Get down on my knees?”

“No, nothing like that,” says Machii. “Maintain out your left hand.”

The person’s face breaks out in an antic expression, as if he’s going to have his hand smacked with a ruler. “Okay,” he says with a goofy grin. “Now what?”

“This,” says Kiyota, as he swings his sword down on the person’s pinky, slicing off the tip within the penance ritual of yubitsume, Japanese for “finger shortening,” also called yubi o tobasu or “flying finger.”

It’s in there someplace.


“Jesus Christ!” the person screams in ache, and a refrain of “Ewww” is heard from the Westland bench, the place the severed physique half has landed in a Yoplait strawberry yogurt.

Machii approaches the women and removes the finger tip from the container, then presents it to Coach Thibeault. “Right here is your iki yubi” or “dwelling finger,” he says. “This asshole now accepts you as his kumicho.”

“What does that imply?” the proprietor of the suddenly-shorter finger asks.

“It might be ladies soccer,” Kiyota says, “however she is now your godfather.”

Accessible in print and Kindle format on amazon.com as a part of the gathering “Boston Baroques.”

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