My favourite ghost-marrying British lady is again within the information!
Oh, wait, it is unhappy information.
Common readers will bear in mind the tales of British rocker, Brocarde, marrying her invisible boyfriend, Edwardo, on Halloween evening, in 2022.
Ringing any bells but?
He was the soldier who had been useless for 300 years after he fell down a properly.
Now you have acquired it.
The not-entirely-unexpected information is that Brocarde, 40, has divorced her fool husband, Edwardo. She introduced the divorce in a brand new track and video, “Simply One other Anthem,” which she posted to Instagram on March 17.
Which implies the wedding lasted for less than four-and-a-half months. Colour me stunned.
Edwardo had been nothing however a whole jackwagon throughout their whole relationship, and admittedly, she’s fortunate to be rid of him.
Oh, would that it have been so! Besides Edwardo is sort of a fungus. He stored coming again even after she thought he was gone for good. However she could not say no to the man!
That’s, he informed his new bride he had the hots for Marilyn Monroe. At his personal marriage ceremony.
His dying by falling down a properly makes much more sense now.
It seems the blonde house wrecker was there, together with Elvis Presley and Henry VIII.
Oh, man! “The King” and a king? And Marilyn Monroe? Even Harry and Meghan’s marriage ceremony wasn’t this star-studded.
However issues solely acquired worse from there.
Throughout their honeymoon on Barry Island, Wales, Edwardo demanded that Brocarde order the resort’s most costly champagne and anticipated her to pay for it. He additionally wrestled her to the bottom whereas she was consuming an ice cream cone, getting it on her face and hair.
As soon as they returned house, she hoped issues would change, however you’ll be able to’t train a useless canine new tips. Edwardo would disappear for days at a time after which come house smelling like Chanel No. 5, which was Marilyn’s fragrance of selection.
It is also a favourite of Catherine Deneuve and Nicole Kidman. And I do not need to begin any rumors, however I heard Victoria Beckham is a giant fan, too.
Coincidence? You resolve.
As Brocarde informed Wales On-line, she lastly realized that her “. . . journey with Edwardo had no constructive conclusion and his vitality was dragging me down.” Properly, duh! We tried telling you that two years in the past. Nonetheless, some folks want to the touch the range and determine it out for themselves.
She could not go to a daily counselor for {couples} remedy as a result of the therapist would not have the ability to hear Edwardo, which is ironic as a result of he clearly wasn’t listening to his spouse’s wants, So she consulted with a medium as a substitute.
The psychic informed her to set boundaries with Edwardo, which made him indignant. As a result of bullies and poisonous folks do not prefer it if you attempt to remove their energy over you. So he grew to become extra aggressive and haunted her with the sound of a screaming child, though which will have simply been dangerous mother and father within the house subsequent door.
And now? Brocarde has exorcised him proper out of her life.
No, actually. She exorcised him by returning to the church the place the 2 first acquired married and had a priest exorcise the no-good, died-in-a-well moron proper out of her physique.
Even Jackie Kennedy wasn’t robust sufficient to divorce her husband after he slept with Marilyn a number of instances, however you probably did it. However when you get again with him once more, your subsequent video ought to be a canopy of “What Sort Of Idiot Am I?”
In her breakup video, she re-enacted the exorcism and sang the strains, “Toss the bouquet to a bride a day, rejoice the hate we invite to play, I am divorcing the road of your decay, you have taken me to my knees let’s play.”
It isn’t T-Swift’s “We Are By no means Ever Getting Again Collectively,” however I am certain Edwardo acquired the message.
Nonetheless, the man was a whole fool, so I absolutely anticipate to see a narrative subsequent 12 months that he is sniffing round and needs her again.
However Brocarde is standing robust. She mentioned that after the divorc-orcism, her life feels extra gentle and joyful. “I’m fairly adamant that I now not need to be haunted by Edwardo, so his presence is not welcome in my life,” she mentioned.
Good for you! This man was the worst. He wasn’t even paying his fair proportion of the hire. If he actually beloved you, he would have helped you cheat at a on line casino or one thing.
Or at the very least swiped a bottle of Marilyn’s fragrance.
Photograph credit score: Brocarde (@Brocarde on Instagram)
My new humor novel, Mackinac Island Nation, is completed and out there from 4 Horsemen Publications. You may get the e-book and print variations right here.