The 2 worst issues on the earth are mosquitoes and being caught in visitors.
OK, possibly not the worst issues in your entire world. I am positive some Debbie Downer out there may be going to say, “Properly, really, what about struggle? And most cancers? And are not you forgetting about. . .” after which describe 17 extra completely horrible issues earlier than crying about why nobody spends any time along with her.
Positive. Of all of the minor issues on the earth, mosquitoes and being caught in visitors are the worst, so simply give it a relaxation, Debbie.
This little bit of Properly, Duh got here from two not-very groundbreaking research: One is about essentially the most irritating elements of summer season, and the opposite is concerning the high ten day by day stressors of life.
The summer season annoyances examine was commissioned by the makers of OFF!, the mosquito repellent that by no means fairly works the best way it is purported to. I bear in mind many summer season nights after we drenched ourselves within the smelly spray with the orange lid, and it really attracted extra mosquitoes. We even tried Deep Woods OFF!, which is simply common OFF! with wintergreen. It nonetheless did not work, however now we smelled vaguely like a pine forest.
The day by day stressors examine was commissioned by Cadbury, makers of the TimeOut wafer, an Irish sweet bar that appears like the results of a drunken one-night stand between a Equipment Kat bar and a Twix. Cadbury launched the ballot as a part of their “Time to Name TimeOut” advertising and marketing marketing campaign.
The brand new TimeOut wafer is a single wafer cookie coated in chocolate, which changed the extra widespread two wafer cookies coated in chocolate. And if the response to this modification is any indication, the TimeOut bar ought to be primary on each lists. Folks have been decidedly sad concerning the new and “improved” TimeOut wafer, and no advertising and marketing marketing campaign will ever persuade folks one wafer is healthier than two.
If something, the 2 lists ought to be mixed into one nice large record, particularly when you stay right here in Florida, as a result of many of the irritating elements of summer season are any regular day for us. Individuals who assume “Ooh, Summer season is, like, so onerous, you guys!” do not know what life is like right here within the Sunstroke State.
As an example, on the Summer season record, proper after mosquitoes, comes sweating, extreme warmth, and stickiness/humidity. You have simply described March by way of October in Florida. And since it is humid all 12 months lengthy, regardless of the temperature, sweating and stickiness are a day by day present.
Ah, Florida: I could have left my coronary heart in San Francisco, however I left the backs of my legs on the vinyl automotive seat.
On the stressors record, after being caught in visitors, we’ve house home equipment malfunctioning, strolling behind a slower particular person, and automotive hassle.
Wait, is that each one? These are day by day stressors? I am melting just like the Depraved Witch of the West after a squirt gun combat, and also you’re upset about strolling behind a slower particular person?
Sure, these issues are all irritating, however how usually do they really occur? Home equipment malfunction on a regular basis since most producers now construct their home equipment to die inside eight years. However I’d moderately take care of a wonky microwave than be sticky and sweaty 240 days a 12 months.
When our final microwave broke down, we went with out it for a 12 months and by no means missed it. However I have never had two consecutive days after I do not get the sticky-sweats every time I take the canine out. If I assumed it could give me every week of no humidity, I’d malfunction my microwave with a sledgehammer.
For these of you who assume you may take care of the sweating and extreme warmth, you are clearly delusional. You most likely stay within the Higher Midwest the place, whereas it’s getting hotter every summer season (thanks, local weather change), you are not getting eight full months of blast furnace warmth.
Quantity 10 on the day by day stressors record is one thing that’s not distinctive to Florida, however I see it day-after-day: Being subjected to a close-by stranger’s speakerphone dialog.
We have all had that occur to us. Somebody who lastly realized to not shout into the earpiece walks by, holding their cellphone horizontally, six inches from their mouth, they usually shout into it like they’re on a long-distance name through the Korean Struggle.
“NO, PUT THE OINTMENT ON THE CAT’S BUTT, AND THE SUPPOSITORY IN THE BABY’S!”
“BECAUSE HER HUSBAND SLEPT WITH THAT HOOTER’S WAITRESS FROM HER BIRTHDAY PARTY, THAT’S WHY!”
“I’M NOT TELLING YOU AGAIN, ONLY ON YOUR BIRTHDAY!”
It does not matter what a part of the world you are in, somebody is all the time holding a clearly personal dialog with out utilizing their inside voice. And the cellphone’s quantity is turned as much as 11 as a result of they cannot hear over the sound of everybody’s disapproving glares.
All of us have our private pet peeves, and most of them appear to be brought on by irritating folks, i.e., everybody else round us: gradual walkers, gradual drivers, cellphone shouters, and thoughtless strangers.
Besides issues actually aren’t all that unhealthy. Issues go flawed in life, and you may’t spend all of your time worrying about them.
But when I do not get a break from this warmth quickly, I will lose my thoughts!
Picture credit score: 41330 (Pixabay, Artistic Commons 0)
My new humor novel, Mackinac Island Nation, is completed and out there from 4 Horsemen Publications. You will get the e-book and print variations right here.