PLAINS, GA—As he completed preparing for his first evening out because the passing of his spouse Rosalynn earlier this month, former President Jimmy Carter reportedly sprayed a little bit cologne down the entrance of his pants Thursday earlier than an enormous first date. “I simply would possibly get fortunate, so I higher make sure that she likes the odor downstairs,” mentioned the 99-year-old Carter, holding open his waistband and reaching inside to use a beneficiant amount of Brut eau de toilette spray to his penis and scrotum. “Sure, sir, this could possibly be the evening I catch me some unusual. Higher squirt some of these items on my [adjustable home hospital bed] too, in case we come again to my place. Scorching evening in town for Mr. Jimmy!” At press time, Carter was reportedly licking a finger to show a web page in a well-thumbed copy of Neil Strauss’ The Recreation.